Answer the questions below when reviewing a peer’s paper:

• Does the introduction clearly announce the topic and engage the reader’s interest? If not, why not? If yes, what is engaging and interesting?
• Is there a clear sense of purpose throughout the writing? Why or why not?
• Is the solution effectively presented? Why or why not?
• Are sources integrated into the proposal? Do they follow APA format? Are they effective? Why or why not?
• Is the graphic effective in supporting the proposal idea? Why or why not?
• How could the author improve the paper? Please offer at least two concrete suggestions.
• Do you consider this paper to be responsive to the assignment? If not, what recommendations do you have for making it meet the requirements?
• Provide additional suggestions or comments.

Step 3: Post your feedback as a response to your team members’ original posting.

HERES BRIAN‘S REVIEW OF MY ROUGH DRAFT. PLEASE CREATE A RESPONSE FOR THIS.

Hi Mit,

I liked your proposal and as a Starbucks fan I found it quite interesting for reasons cited below. For ease of reading, I’ll leave the original questions in.

• Does the introduction clearly announce the topic and engage the reader’s interest? If not, why not? If yes, what is engaging and interesting?
  • I am a huge Starbucks fan and go there every day at least once. I’m such a committed customer that I participate in there in person surveys. Given my strong feelings toward Starbucks, I found your paper to be interesting. Here are some hopefully helpful comments.
  • First, communications in large companies is a great topic and a universal issue. The introduction lays out the issue well. It does not surprise me that Starbucks has communications problems given its size and worldwide presence. You laid out the problem and its ramifications very well.
  • Organizationally, I found myself searching for what the proposal was actually about. In the first paragraph, you state the aims of the proposal at a very high level. In Section C, you go deeper into what the aims are, and then in Section D you lay out your plan. I liked Section D the best as it clearly stated the issue — there may be a way to simplify the introduction and reduce its length by merging the concepts. This may strengthen your proposal.
  • You may consider adding bullets to the final paragraph of the introduction, and beginning each sentence with a verb. Specifically, “The proposal’s main goals are to:”
    • Solve the identified difficulties….”
    • Create a feasible implementation plan …
  • Please also note that the cover page was not filled in nor was there a cover letter.
• Is there a clear sense of purpose throughout the writing? Why or why not?
  • I think the paper has both a sense of purpose and urgency:
    • Starbucks is a large organization that spans the globe and has communications challenges
    • These communications challenges are serious and have real consequences.
    • Nevertheless I have a plan to address them.
• Is the solution effectively presented? Why or why not?
  • There is so much to unpack in this proposal with so many pieces — training, development programs, improved communications systems, cost realism, and technical upgrades to name a few. I was struck by how complex this project is. I believe, however, that the actual undertaking may not be as complex as I read it. In short, organizationally you may be able to combine sections that would turn this into a more cohesive proposal.
  • The timeline is great. I do, however, have a question: You say it will take 6 months to implement this plan but the weeks for each phase only add up to 3 1/2 months. Personally I think it will take closer to 6 months but it left me wondering what happened to the other 2 1/2 months!
  • The resource list is also really helpful. But I’m not sure who the audience is. If seems this is going to a senior manager at corporate or the CEO which makes sense as they would definitely want to the financials. If it is going to a store manager, however, I do not think this data would be as helpful.
  • A roadmap graphic that covers the timeline, actions, and cost would help to clarify the proposed solution. As you are missing your graphic, a roadmap graphic might help.
• Are sources integrated into the proposal? Do they follow APA format? Are they effective? Why or why not?
  • The sources were integrated into the proposal and were effective. They each spoke to the topic that was being addressed in the section.
  • They follow the APA format with the one mistake that Alyssa mentioned in her response. Hats off to Alyssa for finding that one!
• Is the graphic effective in supporting the proposal idea? Why or why not?
  • There is no graphic in the paper.
• How could the author improve the paper? Please offer at least two concrete suggestions.
  • I would include a cover page and a memo. I think the memo may be useful in framing the issue and identifying the audience.
  • I think the use of graphics could really help explain the cost benefit analysis of this proposal. This is the first thing I would want to see as a CEO or manager.
  • Organizationally, I think there may be a way to consolidate some of the information. One example – Proposal purpose (Section C) and proposal scope and goals (Section D) may be able to be merged into once section. Merging a few sections may help reduce redundancy.
• Do you consider this paper to be responsive to the assignment? If not, what recommendations do you have for making it meet the requirements?
  • I do believe this paper is responsive to the assignment. The information from the research is really good, and the use of sources is solid.
• Provide additional suggestions or comments.
  • Additional suggestions: The cover page needs to be filled out.
  • The table of contents needs to include a table/graphic section. You may be able to shorten the table of contents as you merge sections.
  • There are a few typos — I would suggest “lack of direction” versus “directionlessness” (Section IIIb); “nontransparent” versus “untransparent” (Section IIb); and “unappreciated” versus “underappreciated” (Section IIb) as latter comes up as an error even though I like the word. Every point counts!

Thank you again — now I’m off to Starbucks!